painful

This last hour or so of work is killing me.

I am ready to go, my desk is packed and put in my car, everything is in order, I am just waiting on time now.

I have spoken to the colleauges that I felt I needed/wanted to keep in touch with, and am ready to start the new I have no job life.

I think I was semi deceptive in to thinking that the economy would never really affect my job. Strange how things end up working out.

J left me with some heartfelt words this morning about me focusing on staying healthy and keeping baby where she needs to be, and bringing her in to a stree free enviroment, and hit the ground running after the 1st of the year. His words actually felt like a relief, like hey someone is looking out for my best interest(well and his, his baby girl) My parents have been awesome in reaffirming their support, neither one want me to continue this business avenue, and my dad called...actually called me to help establish and rollover my 401k so I dont take any penalties. And to tell me that I need to let my brain relax and go out and enjoy myself. That in itself is not my usual daddy talking. He is of brisk firmness and leads with an iron fist. So, to see a softer side of him helped.

I didn't tell anyone but J about my business offer this morning, I think I really wanted to sit tight and just let that melt away some of my stress about how tough the work force is, and how beat down I felt after yesterday. I am not one to usually let anyone make me feel that way, but I think I was just bombarded and taken so by surprise that my brain went in to some sort of freaking meltdown.

Personally, I know I will rise again to bigger and better things, that will help me maximize my potential and skills. It may take awhile, but now is the best time to sell myself as the best.